A Thousand Castaway Ophelias

its because my these rainy days that I am sitting here, typing, and for no goddamn reason weeping.

I just want everything to get sorted out.  I don't know why, but I want the anger directed at no one to go away, the sadness directed at an empty space, the words I want to say to the night sky.

go away. so I can start my new life.

one step closer to the dark
of the shadow sleep
the unknown, uncertain

fetters!
break
in the morning light

a grassy taste in my mouth, the scent of gray rain

everything I love dies.

I had wanted to keep those feelings with me a bit longer, wrapping around them in fetal position, to keep them close.  But it doesn't matter, because I can already feel them escaping.  Have escaped.  Please don't go. I had cared for you, and the feeling of loss is something I treasure.  To lose it would be to deny your existence, and for any others I could forgive this of myself, but not for you.  I wanted to keep those feelings close, that feeling and taste of loss that will not exist anytime but now.

But tomorrow, I will feel nothing. and I will not have remembered feeling anything.

what was I trying to accomplish? I wanted to see pity, comfort, all these things that I really have no need for.  Cultivating the reactions just because I can - such vanity is sickening and empty.

so silly, pretending to have emotions that I don't have. Pretending to have a life that doesn't exist.

Obviously, I've just got to move on and live this fucking existence as is.

there is no beauty here anymore

there is only the beast

so,

please




forgive me.

It's probably because what she hid in her
all the antiques that were once beautiful
have stained away
seeped away
accepted
into the fault
whose, fault is it?

to break

all

that is beautiful in this world





.


isilencei

one more day until.............. barcelona, casablanca, agadir, canary islands, funchal and granada!!!!!!!